The Loss of a Dear Friend

In 2003/2004 When I was a single teen mom I lived in a 2 bedroom decent sized apartment with Jordan. I went to school and had a part time job. While at my job I met a lady named Dale who quickly became like a second mom to me. We had a bond I never ever thought would be possible with someone who isn't family, and we not only worked together but went to each others houses for tea, went shopping together, you name it we did it!

Fast forward a few years and her daughter and I were pregnant at the same time. Her daughter was a few years older than me but they weren't as close as her and I were.

August 2007 When I went in to have Ava, her and her daughter Wanda were at the hospital. Her daughter was due a month behind, but she had complications and she had called me earlier that day announcing she had became a Grandma!

Turns out Wanda had a csection and while they were operating they noticed she was full of cancer. They agreed to start treatments but they weren't hopeful.

Wanda lived to see her baby turn 2 months old, then she passed. It was the most heart wrenching thing I ever had to be apart of, and to this day it brings me to tears to think about.

Fast forward to 2009. I got a phone call from my friend Dale. She was just home from a doctors appointment where she was given not so good news, she too had cancer. WHAT? I couldn't grasp this for anything. It was not possible she too had cancer! She was raising her Granddaughter by herself and she was just two! How could this be?

I was pregnant with #4 Jayden at the time of the news and I was busy on and off, she would call me all the time but I would be busy or not home, forget to call her back Or we would just keep missing each other.

November 2009 rolled around and she and I spoke about twice a week, until everyone in my household had the flu. Once I felt better I promised I would call her back. A week went by and I was feeling better but she wasn't answering her phone.

I kept calling.

No answer.

Finally after a full week and a half of trying I had a bad feeling. Very bad. So I logged onto the internet and went to our local newspaper, clicked obituaries and there it was.

She had passed away almost THREE WEEKS AGO. A day or two after her last phone call to me. 

That's why she didn't answer.

I lost my mind. It was late at night, my kids were asleep, my husband on his way home from work... There I sat on the middle of my bed sobbing while I stare at the computer screen. She was gone.

I couldn't believe it.

I had missed the funeral, I had missed my chance to speak to her again. I was completely crushed.

She had told me a month or two prior that she had my contact info pinned to her fridge and her niece was under strict orders to call me the MINUTE anything happens. Of course, in that moment I'm sure they have a million other things going on they hadn't thought of it but I was crushed. She was gone, I missed saying goodbye. It was and still is so very painful. She was by my side for years. Listened to me gush about my husband when I first met him and she was a very huge part of Jordan's life too...

So today I was scrolling through photo albums on my Facebook and came across an album of Dale at my house with her baby granddaughter Kassy about a year before her passing. I don't have a single photo of her, just these photos of Av and Kass with Dale in the background and I never got one of the both of us either, I'm not sure why. I regret this so much. But, I just wanted to post about my dear friend who I miss terribly and wish I could give one last phone call to, as I sit here remembering her today.

Ava and Kassy.

I am not too sure what I believe in for after someone passes but I do feel like I feel her energy around me often!

Hold your friends close, you never know when they'll be gone.

Fun Filled Weekend!

Where do I begin?

Saturday morning was the Great Cloth Diaper Change & that night a pretty big AppleCheeks dinner!

The Great Cloth Diaper Change was held at the Direct Energy Centre here in Toronto. I'm so glad I was able to participate for a 2nd year! At 11a a whistle blew and all of us changed our babies at the exact same time into cloth diapers!

Here I had just finished changing Justin's bum and holding him up for the group "we did it!" Shot!

This was also a day of firsts for me because it was the first time I nursed Justin while babywearing! More specifically the ring sling! I was even able to shield him from the wind with the tail of the fabric and it worked perfectly. He fell asleep and slept the whole way home!

 

We sat right outside the Direct Energy centre where the cloth diaper change was and I was able to nurse him right there!

 

After the change Jordan and I went for lunch then we came home and I tidied up wasting time for our big dinner.

You see, co-owner of AppleCheeks - Ilana, who is also my boss was in town for the weekend so there was a dinner event created on Facebook in her honour. We went to a Mexican place to eat. There was a ton of AppleCheeks fans and friends and it was a great time! I finally got to meet some people I had been waiting a very long time to meet!

I was completely out of my comfort zone, felt a little out of place at first but once Ilana arrived all was right. She lights up a room and any ounce of nervousness I had instantly left. When she walked in, everyone cheered and it was like we had all known her forever! At least I felt that way, it was like seeing an old friend for the first time in a long time - because we've known each other over 2 years online and via Text! It's something I never thought would happen, but now that it has I wish we all lived in the same City (and Country for that matter, BETH AND KATIE MOVE HERE!) because it would be incredible to be able to actually work together in one building!

It was a really great night. Although I will say I wasn't too fond of our waiter at Playa Cabana Cantina here in Toronto. I found him to be rather rude, short and not at all personable like I am used to {my husband works in restaurants, and I couldn't imagine him ever being like this guy!} the good was wonderful though which makes up for the waiter being less than stellar.

If you have Instagram and are interested I posted a ton of a photos from that night. It was a ton of fun and I really hope we can do it again! Here are two of my favorite pics from that night.....

 I hate this photo of myself, but Ilana looks flawless and perfect as usual :)

Hey look! Heidi was there too!!! (photo cred: Katy!)

Then Sunday Ilana came over - got to meet all my kiddos and we went out for dinner just the two of us. We got to talk about work and basically everything we could think of! We were at the restaurant for over 2 hours. Then it was time to go home, she took me home and we sat in the car for a bit longer chit chatting. I can honestly say she is beyond what I imagined. She is so full of life, and happiness just pours out of her all over and you can't help but feel wonderful when with her! AppleCheeks fans - If you ever get a chance to meet Ilana, do it! Shes incredible.

I can't wait for the day I get to meet Amy, and hopefully one day Beth and Katie too. That would be absolutely amazing!

Great weekend, Great memories!

When two worlds collide...

Yesterday we had Heidi, my guest blogger who post's on the blog every Wednesday over with her two adorable kiddos and her hubby. I was a bit excited, see Heidi and I met somehow online. I don't even remember how I believe on Instagram through the AppleCheeks hashtag or even through posts by AC on the official IG...

Anyway, she and I had known each other online for a while, then we started texting, and in the summer they came over for a quick visit when they were in the city... It was so awesome to finally meet her. But very out of the ordinary for me. I don't like meeting new people, and I'm not sure if it all stems from the self esteem issues I've posted about previously on here, or what. But it just never happened until I got involved with AppleCheeks.

We had a great first meeting and became even closer as friends since! I really wanted to get our kids together again as they seemed to really hit it off during our quick meet so we set it up for yesterday about a month ago! I got a little too excited and may have went a bit nuts in the snacks and food department but -- back home when I'd have people over I didn't get to really go all out and it bothered me, so now that I'm able to financially it was a lot of fun. We had veggies and dip, fruit and yogurt dip, smart food, party mix, a cheese/pickles/crescent platter, juice boxes, bottles of water, pop, breadsticks... it was super yummy and as you can see from the photo it was a bit holiday themed!

We sat around had lots of laughs, and our hubby's got chatting about some stuff... Which was nice. I'm glad they get along because we need more "couple" friends to hang out with and do this with..

For our main course we decided since I'd been so sick and didn't feel up to cooking, we'd order in. Swiss Chalet was the closest and we could order 3 of the family meals to feed everyone. We did, and it was pretty good. Heidi and her hubby stopped at a bakery on their way and got some cake.

OH MY GOSH -- BOSTON CREME CAKE. It was beyond delicious, I had never had it before. Let me tell you though - I'll be having it again. I will be now on the hunt for it closer to us. Everyone loved it and I remember at least two kids asking for seconds, but of course they didn't need it so there was some left over.

After we had dinner, and cake we sat around chit chatting some more.. Then it was picture time. Can you believe the whole time we didn't even think to get many pictures until the very end? Silly for us, I know. Considering we are obsessed with instagram you'd think we would have been taking photos of every little thing going on. But we were too busy gossiping and talking about everything from births, to food, to movies! It was really, really fun!

But yes - photo time came. I of course was nervous about photos, I'm not sure why I get like that but it's something I'm working on. Not very well, but I am. I thought this was an adorable photo! Heidi, my daughter Ava and I - of course, I had to be silly!

Cute right? I thought so! My kids absolutely adore Heidi, her hubby and their kids. Which means a lot to me because they don't have very many GOOD kids for friends. Around here they don't have many friends. School they've got a few. But it's nice for them to have friends away from school and be able to have these nights to look forward to. So it was a lot of fun!

The title of this post is "When two worlds collide" because - I never used to let my internet life which I've been online for 12+ years with blogs, livejournal, xanga, geocities.. ALL OF it. I never, ever let it collide with my real life offline. But let me tell you I am so glad I did. Not only is Heidi an amazing person, so is her hubby and kids. They are real, genuine and it's something I've always looked for in real friends - but since moving to Toronto have lacked finding because I'm a homebody, and lets be honest - this city can be scary. I'm glad I let my guard down, and I'm glad we met. I think we've become really great friends, and although she lives in a different city.. I look forward to having more of these nights. As does my hubby and super excited kids!

After they left of course my kids NEEDED to have a photo with me like the one above, of course I couldn't say no. So here we were able to squeeze 3 of them in with me! It's a silly one. It's adorable. We all had so much fun... My kids are still talking about it, telling me all the fun they had playing downstairs and eating all the food - which by the way, my kids basically ate all the snacks. They are gluttons and I have no idea where they put it. I'm in real danger come the teenage years....

I've met a few other people from the AC world as well, they are also amazing people but sadly don't live as close to me so we can't get together more often. I think it would be amazing when the weather turns nicer to invite everyone over for a huge BBQ... I think I may put it together. We shall see!

I am so thankful for everyone in my life, especially my AC mama's. They all know who they are. I've changed so much in the past few years since moving to this big city, and coming out of my shell - slowly but surely. It's amazing, and I'm so glad I am able to really enjoy all these things now with my kids and not have to worry about them being excluded or having to go out - they are my whole entire life, so having friends with kids is one of the most rewarding gifts. Especially such great friends like Heidi! We're lucky!

It's the Weekend!

Wow, I haven't posted in days. Probably because I've felt like absolute crap. I have an awful cold which started with a migraine so bad I almost had to take myself to the ER for IV fluids. Luckily, I had my hubby taking care of me and was able to rest and although it's been present for days now it's nothing like it was and I can actually function now.

So, it's the weekend once again, the kids and I have been taking it easy. They've been complaining they want to play in the snow but we haven't had any yet. This morning it started to snow for the first time this winter. I was not too thrilled but it didn't last long, and it's not very cold outside. I am really not a fan of winter. Nor am I a fan of really hot summers either. In Canada it sucks because that's usually what we get. Freezing cold winters and burning hot summers. What can ya do?

It's pretty though right? Maybe not so much in this photo, but I took a video on Instagram of it and I stole this image from that.. It lasted maybe 10 minutes, and went away. It's snowed a few times on and off since but, nothing left on the ground now. We were getting ready to head to the stores when it started. The kids ran to the window when I announced it was snowing - they jumped up and down cheering! I remember getting that excited over snow when I was younger, now not so much.

After all the excitement I had to take all 6 kids by myself to 2 stores to grab some stuff for tomorrow as we are having some guests for dinner! We are having my guest blogger and AppleCheeks ambassador Heidi and her family over! I am so excited! I haven't felt well, so we're ordering some dinner in. We were going to reschedule because I didn't want to get her or her kids sick, but luckily because I've been sick for a while I don't think I'm too contagious anymore - and she didn't mind. So I'll just steer clear of the little ones, and all should be well. None of my kids have gotten sick - I think I caught this from Jordan who went to a friends house who was sick, and I only think I caught it because my immune system is so low with breastfeeding and lack of sleep, I need to get that all back on track!

I got some goodies at the store, we got home in time for me to get the littles down for their naps. I made the kids some lunch, and was able to squeeze in washing the floors. Our floors are so dark that every speck shows up. Very difficult to keep perfect with 3 dogs in the house with light hair, especially the WHITE ones. Oy vey.

I was talking to my friend via text this afternoon when I jokingly said I wanted to look into getting a maid 2x a month to come and do all my deep cleaning for me. It was also a sour topic in one of the groups on facebook recently too, I don't see a problem with it. I've never had a maid, but now as a mom to 6 who spends most of her days cleaning up after everyone else, I wonder why not. I won't stop cleaning, I do it daily but I don't get to deep clean as much as I'd like to. It's something to consider. I may be a stay at home mom, but I work from 8-3pm every single day online. Not straight, but anytime an E-mail comes in I answer it. I pick my kids up daily at 3pm and then I come home, make dinner, clean up, load the dish washer and most nights if it's bath night  (every other night) I am doing that alone so by the time 7/730 rolls around and these kids are ready for bed, I am BEAT. No deep cleaning coming from me..... So again, something to think about.

Tomorrow I will have lots of photos to share! I can't wait to set up my table and for the kids to have more kids to play with! I haven't had people over for a "dinner party" since moving to Toronto in August 2010.. I did it lots back home so this will be fun for me! I am like a little kid when it comes to this stuff. I love it!

Now time to go dig out some of my Christmas/Holiday decorations and get them up! We need our tree and outdoor lights up soon - must get hubby on that, maybe Monday?? ;)