5 Tips for Helping a Preteen Get Things Accomplished

Recently it's been hard to keep Jordan on task. He wants to do all these things, go out with friends, play sports, go on the computer, text this person and text that person! It's a crazy life being an eleven year old apparently!

Jordan recently brought home a violin from music class. He said all the kids are learning different instruments. He was at first a little interested in the violin but that shortly changed and he hasn't brought it home since that first week. He's just happy he didn't get microkorg xl or something else like one of his friends got and is having some different issues. But, he says its really hard so I have told him when they allow him to bring it home again to bring it and we can try again! He gets frustrated and wants to quit, but we talked and he said he will try. He said he isn't a quitter, I just think he needed a little pep talk!

 He is struggling not wanting to do homework, he has a complaint every time we ask him to do one of his normal chores. So I sat down and figured out some ways I can help him focus, get the things he needs to get done accomplished and help in anyway I can.

ENCOURAGE

I find telling him how great he plays, how wonderful his sentences for homework are and what a great example he is for his younger siblings helps.

GIVE BREAKS

If he has three pages of homework to do and really doesn't want to do it in the first place - giving short breaks between pages gives him time to get a drink, a snack and just clear his head for a few minutes.

SIT DOWN AND HELP

I take time to sit with him, help when he needs it and really just be there in case he has a question or needs a little support. I don't do any of the work for him but I watch and help as needed.

LISTEN

Often times having them talk out a problem, explain a note or speak through an answer helps them figure things out on their own.

INCENTIVES

Yep. I'm not above them. He has a cellular phone that we pay for monthly so if he wants to keep it he needs to keep up with his chores, homework and behavior at school. So a quick reminder really gets that fire going.

Jordan is extremely smart. He's also a preteen boy and extremely dramatic and once in a while mouthy. These are just some tips I've learned along the way that help us out. Maybe they can help you out, or someone you know.

Preteens are super fun, the teenage years well ... I'll need a whole new set of tips to get through that now won't I?

Terrible Twos? They Lied.

 Terrible twos they said. They'd be awful, it's a terrible time they said. Well, They Lied. At least to me.

None of my kids, all 5 who have passed the age of two dealt with "terrible twos" none of them. 0/5.

What they don't tell you, and by they I mean everyone who has passed the age of two - is that age three? BEYOND WORDS what they said terrible twos would be. No, I'm not saying this happens with every child. Every child is different - and I'm sure it has a lot to do with personality, and who knows what else. It didn't happen with all mine so you may skip the phase completely.

Beyond words? Okay, that may be a little exaggeration but let me tell you - terrible threes are very real and sometimes aren't fun. Ava and now Jackson had the "terrible three" phase. Not 24/7 but had moments when I just really couldn't believe these children were mine. They had to have been switched out for lookalikes!

Thankfully, it doesn't last long and when it's all over and done with you can let a huge sigh of relief out BUT - during this wonderful time it can be trying.

Jackson just turned three in May. Terrible threes hit in September. Like I said not 24/7 but the majority of the day is spent redirecting, explaining why we don't do something, putting things back, having things thrown at us (like yesterday, wet leaves! Yes!!!) while he giggles with glee. Because wet leaves in your hair is pretty funny!

Just remember: It doesn't last forever. It is a phase, and I promise - it's not as bad as it seems.

I'm one of those moms who is a firm believer "NO!" Doesn't really work. So I try to redirect, show them what they can do/play with instead of what they can't. After all who really likes being told no? Especially being told no with no other options, right?

Some days we don't have to deal with any of the terrible three's, other days it can be very frustrating.

Jackson reminds me so much of Ava during this time. He's so sweet, small, curious, adventurous and just being a little kid. So I get it, I sympathize. This isn't my first rodeo. I am told I was the exact same way, as are most kids this age!

They lied about terrible twos, or they are mistaken. None of my kids had it. 0/5 but terrible threes? 2/5 went through the stage. So while you may have hit the two stage and thought "wow, this is a breeze!" - Just wait. Three's may be the time.

My advice to anyone who is about to hit the three stage, or who is going through it - BREATHE. It does get better, and doesn't last long. The light at the end of my tunnel? Ava. She went through the exact same as Jackson, and she's come out of it just fine. She still has a feisty attitude, which I should just attribute to her being my daughter but other than that - we all survived and lived to tell the tale. 

Breathe. Redirect & You too will see the light at the end of the tunnel. They are only so small for so long.. Enjoy it while you can! This too shall pass.

Did your kids ever have a terrible twos or threes phase? or if you aren't a parent, did anyone else you know go through it?

Flashback Friday: The Runaway Dad

I've been awful this week. We had no internet for 2 days, yesterday I celebrated my daughters 8th Birthday and now here we are FINALLY posting!

I've decided to start every Friday doing a Flashback Friday series. Something from my past I want to share, I can on Friday's! 

This week I am posting about something I've wanted to discuss for a long while but hadn't found the time nor was I able to until now.

The Runaway Dad.

As some of you know I had Jordan my oldest who just turned 11 this past September when I was 18. I got pregnant at 17, and he arrived just over a month after I had turned 18.

What some of you may not know is, my husband isn't Jordan's biological father, but he is very much his father in every sense of the word.

Jordan's biological father decided when I was 8 months pregnant it was time for him to, well, run. After we planned and decided to have a baby (which looking back is ridiculous, and no I don't support or promote teen pregnancy), went to 6 weeks of prenatal class together, all doctors and ultrasounds, etc but it worked out the best and how it should have, I believe.

Not only did I have to grow up really fast, I had to do it on my own. It was hard emotionally more than anything. It took a long time for me to quit being so resentful towards my ex, because I was for so long. For good reason, but it's nice to be free of all that now.

Jordan and I lived together alone until he was 2.5 and then my husband moved in. He took Jordan into his life as how own and up until 2 years ago when we decided Jordan was old enough and mature enough to know he thought my husband was his Biological Dad. So we explained it to him and he was fine with the news. He had a few questions, some of which even I didn't know the answers to. 

About a year ago I got a message saying Jordan's bio dad wanted to talk to me. Great, I had raised Jordan for 10 years got through so much and now he wants something?

I tried for years to get him involved. When I was younger it was dramatic, there was probably lots of things said that now I would shake my head at BUT I couldn't imagine sticking around for 8 months of a pregnancy then all of a sudden one day just calling it quits. Walking away from an unborn child. I just couldn't and still can't fathom.

So I messaged him on facebook to see what he wanted and of course HE just had to see Jordan. Well, that wasn't about to happen. Not only because my child was TEN, had no clue who this person was, wasn't supported by a single dime from this person for the first ten years of his life but because Jordan didn't want to.

Jordan had been on my iPad when messages came through, and he saw what was being said. 

I told said runaway dad that I would speak to Jordan and my husband and see what we could do for him.

I felt it wasn't my place to say no absolutely not, after all it's what I did try to do for years and didn't think it had anything to do with me deciding BUT I also couldn't just not listen to Jordan and his feelings.

He didn't want to meet him. He did have some questions though. So, we set up an email for Jordan that only I had the password to so I would sit with him while they corresponded. They chatted via email for a few weeks before Runaway dad decided he had enough I guess and didn't write anymore.

Jordan was fine, he had questions, he somewhat had answered via these chats and he was fine. He didn't want anymore to do with him, and told me "mom I already have a great dad!"

That's when I knew not only was my kid special, but my husband and I raised him to be so smart, clever, genuine and helped shape him into this boy, mature beyond his years. He didn't need Runaway dad. That was fine with all of us.

I emailed him a few months later and let him know he wasn't to email Jordan anymore. It was uncool what he did, after coming into our lives SO many years later to just fall off the planet again. His response isn't even worth mentioning, but he seems to think I'm the bad guy, always and that he is entitled to something which I'm not so sure he is. We will see when Jordan's older he has our full support with whatever he chooses, and knows we will always be by his side!

I'll say though, Jordan shocks me all the time. This kid is a rock star, and I am so grateful he is my son. He's wise beyond his years, emotional like his mama and will make a beautiful family someday and an amazing dad and husband. 

Jordan told me not long after communicating with runaway dad that his one goal when he has a family is to never let them down or leave them, he wants to be the best dad -- and I know he will be, in 20 or 30 more years ;) haha.

Chime in: Do you think I handled this situation decently? Should I have even bothered allowing Runaway dad to e-mail Jordan or was I okay to allow Jordan to choose? Sometimes I second guess myself over this, and it is something I think about often.

Peace, Love & Misunderstanding

I really enjoyed this movie, but this post isn't exactly about the movie...

If you haven't seen this movie yet I'll give you a little bit of info,

"When her husband tells her he wants a divorce, devastated Manhattan lawyer Diane heads upstate with her two teens to Woodstock to stay with her estranged hippie mother. In this charming village, Diane and her city kids get a new perspective on life: poetry-reading daughter Zoe becomes interested in a sensitive young butcher Cole, nerdy son Jake finds material for his first film project, and Diane herself grows close to a handsome carpenter/singer Jude. Most importantly, Diane finally gets the chance to end the ancient war with the mother she has not seen for decades." - Wiki

My husband and I were watching this movie the other night and it got me thinking. From reading the above info you probably have no idea where I'm going with this because it really doesn't say in the description, so I'll tell you -

Pot.

In the movie Jane Fonda's character is a hippie Grandma and she is a pot grower and seller - at one point in the movie she smokes with her grand kids for their first time at ages 17 and 15 (if that!)

Now, this is what got me thinking - my son who is turning 11 in less than a month was offered pot at age 9...out front on my lawn by a kid 1 grade higher than him who he was kicking the soccer ball around with. Could you imagine? Now, he came right inside all upset and never hung out with this kid again.

My son is going into "Junior High" ~ grade 6 and it seems as though kids around here are doing these things younger, and younger - especially since where I come from is a very small city and at this age I didn't even know what drugs were let alone be offered any ever until well into my teens.

Jordan was raised the way I was, drugs are not for us. All drugs. I have never touched any sort in my life, and I know realistically that isn't all too common but despite how I may feel, I still don't want my kids doing any type of drugs so I've made sure never to change my stance on them and I feel very confident that Jordan will always choose how he was raised, but he may not.... So how does one prepare for that?

How do you accurately talk to your kids about not doing drugs? It's sad we have to think about this, but the time is coming.

I know someone who told me her 14 year-old smokes pot and she knows about it and to me that's just a scratch on the head. I am not sure how one can be okay with that?? Regardless, pot is illegal here in Canada and to me needing mind altering substances isn't needed when an adult, let alone a child.

I think it's important for my kids to know at this age about drugs, because I was completely caught off guard when my son was 9 being offered it. NINE. Right outside my house on my lawn. NINE.

I know PLENTY of adults who do it.

To each their own, an adult can make that decision on their own but kids? Shouldn't even have access to this stuff let alone offering it to friends. That I think is most disturbing to me.

How would you prepare your kids for the possibility of being offered these types of things in school or from peers? Have you had these types of talks with your kids? If you don't know, or aren't comfortable saying - - Have you seen this movie?