.jpeg)
What do you think of the "Letting yourself go" part of this at first glance at this meme?
Me? I took it as "letting go" = hair, make up and clothes.
I also didn't really notice the "try it sometime" I guess that could be considered a dig at some, but I didn't really notice it at first, so this isn't about that.
A friend of mine posted this meme on her facebook page and got some pretty unkind responses. She took it as not doing hair, make up and wearing heels everyday while others took it as unhealthy (unfit, etc)
Let's forget what else the meme says and focus on the "Letting yourself go" part...
I am one of those moms who does put my kids 1st in the daily department. My needs are met, albeit probably not first thing in the morning but they are met. I'm happy. Truly, happy when it comes to most aspects of my life. So what gives?
Most days I don't get a shower in the morning, I have it when my husband gets home for work or mid afternoon when both babies are asleep.
Most days I don't wear a single speck of make up. I haven't since I was about 20. Not because I don't have time, or I'm lazy... Pretty much because I'm uninterested. Some days I feel like putting it on, and sure it makes me feel different but I don't feel I need it on a daily basis, especially when my time is mostly spent at home tending to the kids and household.
Most days I also don't do anything to my hair besides brush it and that's fine with me. I've NEVER been one to do fancy updos, or even throw my hair in a pony tail (I get migraines from them!) so my hair is mostly down, and often looking iffy because the heat does wonders to thick, wavy hair!
My clothes? Right now I'm still fighting losing all my baby weight so I mostly lean towards the black clothes often with a splash of colour... And jeans? Haven't put any back on since having Justin almost a year ago, but I'm comfortable and to me? That's what matters.
Does that mean I've "let myself go?" Not really, not to me anyway - I don't really care what others think. I wasn't put on this planet to please anyone, I care how my kids feel and how I project onto them.
I will say, in all honesty it wasn't until about a year or so ago when I really became aware of the fact my kids watch what I say/do very closely, and it all reflects back on them. I even posted a blog about it not long ago. I began watching what I say about myself negatively and made sure to ALWAYS compliment them even on the littlest things. If one of them says "you are so pretty mommy" I thank them, and giggle with them. To them I'm not only mommy but one of the two most important people in their life, so I go with it!
I know a healthy, happy mom = healthy, happy kids. But to some of us being happy doesn't mean wearing make up everyday, wearing the latest fashion or having fancy updos. To some of us it just simply means BEING US. No muss, no fuss.
Doesn't mean those who wear make up, the latest fashion trends or have beautifully done hair care about themselves anymore or any less and it most certainly doesn't mean they care anymore or any less about their children.
I was mortified when I saw the above meme turn into yet again another mommy war. Maybe someone felt guilty about their choices? I don't know. But one persons sweat pants may be another persons Jimmy Choo's. Who knows.
Also, just to explain Why I didn't think the meme meant unhealthy? Like maybe some do - Food, and body wise!? Because I know SO many people battling weight issues. Their own fault and/or not so I never know. I see people struggling and really trying so when things like this are said, being fat/unhealthy/unfit/ letting themselves go doesn't fall into that category for me at all. Maybe that's only me, but who knows.
I have discovered over the last (almost) 11 years of parenthood taking time for yourself is CRITICAL. You don't have to do much, but getting some time to yourself (a late night bubble bath, an hour to yourself to read or even time blogging or browsing Facebook in the quiet) is important and most needed! So if you can find the time, please do! If not for sanity's sake, then for you because you deserve it.
It doesn't matter at the end of the day what you look like or wear. It matters how you feel about yourself. As long as you are a happy, healthy mom that is all that matters. It all projects back on to those little impressionable minds that often times we don't think are watching, but they are!
What do you think?
.jpeg)
Posts
I mostly definitely did not take it as unhealthy and I didn't even notice the "you should try it sometime" until I read it in your post then scrolled back up to see what you were talking about.
ReplyDeleteI have most definitely changed since having kids and the more kids I have the less I less I "take care" of myself but does that mean I'm unhappy? nope. I'm perfectly fine leaving the house with a messy bun and no makeup because at least I was able to get all 3 kids in the car in one piece. I'll be running through the grocery store so fast no one will even notice me anyway, and then hopefully we can get back home without a meltdown. Oh, then I have to sweat my butt off getting a car seat in the house, plus all the groceries with the heat index being 115*outside. Yeah, no. I don't have time or energy to get myself "ready" when I am home 90% of the time. I feel like I'm throwing my money away when I wear make-up since I wont leave the house. Not sure why but that's how I feel about it.
Good post. Sometimes being behind the wall of a computer makes people grow balls they can't carry in real life. it makes them mean.
ReplyDeleteI think I more so changed when I became a work at home mom. Just not a lot of time for various things. I'm much more comfortable in a dress, so I just buy up a bunch of cute and inexpensive ones and throw them on each day to keep up my appearance. I'll get my hair done, time permitting. I've never been one for makeup, so that doesn't really matter!
ReplyDeleteKids are always first in my book. Let them "stunt" it out in their younger years. I do know the whole house is unhappy if mom isn't healthy though. Who's going to cook, clean, help with homework, etc? So it is important to take time out for yourself, no matter what.
I think everyone has a different opinion on what 'letting yourself go' means and it's going to vary from person to person. You are showering, dont care about makeup, it doesnt sound like your clothes are tattered and town and you're not doing without. It also sounds like you are not unhealthy.So, sounds like you didn't let yourself go, you just merely changed you way of doing things.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of moms out there who put their kids first and don't take care of themselves. They aren't healthy, which does no good for their kids. They take days to shower and their clothes are torn and dirty. I think thats a little more towards the 'letting yourself go.'
You are under 30 with six kids? Wow -- who cares about makeup! I had a friend who "let herself go" after having four kids. Well-meaning friends in our circle would say things that reduced her to tears. Her daughter was the one who finally inspired her to lose weight. She looks and feels great now, but she had to do things on her own terms. She has fabulous kids too -- they adore her.
ReplyDeleteI didn't take it as unhealthy at all. I also don't see it as "letting yourself go". Being a mom isn't all fun and games. It just isn't. It is about taking care of your family, taking care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteMy wife never looks as though she is letting herself go, she never really wore a lot of make-up and fancy stuff to begin with. She's your girl next door type, to me that's what's beautiful about her. I like simple. She never appears to be letting herself go at all because she never really got all done-up to begin with.
ReplyDeleteI let myself go and I am a SAHD! The kid comes first, then the house. Granted, I do get to the gym in the morning, and then I have a lot of things to do before I take care of myself. And I am thrilled that I get to live like this!
ReplyDeleteMitch
I couldn't agree with you more. I really think it depends on the person because everyone has their own version of letting yourself go. I however, don't wear a lot of makeup and don't really care much for what I wear and I don't consider it "letting myself go" because I am fine with it! Seems like you are doing a great job as a mother :)
ReplyDeleteI can relate to you for sure. l have to remind myself to get dressed up and just feel fancy every once in awhile.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. "Letting yourself go" means different things to different people. The only time I've ever thought about how I've "let myself go" is when someone judged me about what I should or shouldn't do/eat/wear. I summarily dismiss all such comments from such people.
ReplyDeleteI took it to mean the same as you did.It can be hard to fit a shower in when you have young kids or put all the makeup on if you have no plans to leave the house. I don't think it means I've let myself go or haven't thought about me. I think a lot of people project their own feelings when reading something like this and it can be hurtful. I'm sorry your friend was attacked over it.
ReplyDeleteI think letting yourself go means, just that, not caring and letting yourself go. I think every person should take care of themselves and it is healthy to put your needs before others, sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I really ever dressed up so people don't expect much of me. I know my husband wishes I would probably were something a little nicer once and awhile but I am who I am. I've never been comfortable all dressed up and I've never worn make-up. Once I had kids, all my fashion sense (which wasn't much) went out the window. I'm a jeans and t-shirt mom!
ReplyDeleteAs long as you and your children are happy then nothing else matters
ReplyDeleteI love getting dressed up and wearing make up but most days I'm in yoga pants and a messy bun. I love being comfortable in sweats when I Work!
ReplyDeleteI guess I have let myself go in some peoples eyes. It doesn't matter to me because my daughter and happiness comes first.
ReplyDeleteMichelle F.
I was never really one to wear make up or fancy clothes and I love my ponytail so that I don't have to spend time fixing my hair. I don't consider that letting myself go because I take really good care of my body and I'm just not interested in those things. If you are, that's great! Interestingly enough, one of my daughters is like me about lack of interest in make up and fashion and the other is working on her cosmetology license and loves expensive fashionable clothes. As long as they feel good about themselves, I'm happy with that.
ReplyDeleteNot having kids myself, it's interesting to see this. I'm not really sure what to say. I work in my pajamas from home so what is there to say I guess? :)
ReplyDeleteDoing something for yourself is important. There is a healthy balance to everything. :)
ReplyDeleteI think all new parents in some way "let themselves go" while they get settled into parenting and create a new routine. It's not easy in the beginning when you're used to only focusing on yourself so to start, I'm quite sure all new moms let some things go a bit so they can learn parenting skills. That's nature! And the older your kids get, they don't get any easier. There are just new challenges that you face.
ReplyDeleteThis mommy war business is nonsense. We all just have to learn we are all doing the best we can. I exercise daily, but some days I don't want to fix my hair or get out of my pj's. I haven't let myself go. I just want to be lazy sometimes lol.
ReplyDeleteIt is a thin line. a mom has to take care of herself in order to be the best she can be to her kids. That doesn't mean going off on bar hops and long weekends without the kids. It means proper nutrition and exercise and enough sleep and connecting with other people who can be a support system.
ReplyDeleteI rarely wore make-up before kids, much less now! But yeah, sometimes I forget to get dressed or eat breakfast because I'm so busy tending to kids! And workout/walking time is hard to work in. I do make myself presentable for going out in public though.
ReplyDeleteI don't like to wear makeup and I probably wouldn't if I didn't have to go to work. Amber N
ReplyDeleteI agree that the mommy wars can be horrible. We should be more supportive of each other, whether we parent the same way or not.
ReplyDeleteWe need to have so much more grace for ourselves! When we're loving our little ones, we're okay just the way we are. The awesome thing about love is that, as mamas, we can love ourselves, and love our kiddos! It doesn't have to be an either/or, but a both/and. :)
ReplyDeleteI loved this. I would let myself go any day knowing that my kids had a good one
ReplyDeleteI could see how the last line was a dig. It must have touched a nerve with someone hence the reason a mommy war happened.
ReplyDeleteI didn't take it as unhealthy, although that is what I myself feel I am. I take it as a mom we put the needs of our children before our own. We already have too little time to do everything on our to do list, so leaving ourselves last as any mom would do (we hope) leaves us looking unkept unfortunately. I am a happy unkept mom, and my kids they are little fashionistas and rockstars, I wouldn't have it any other way!
ReplyDeleteGood for you. Do what you feel you need to do for your family and also for yourself. As long as you and your kids are happy, who else is there to please? This meme means something different for every mom. The important thing to remember is we need to do what feels right for us.
ReplyDeleteI don't wear make up most days. I prefer comfortable clothes over getting dressed up. I have 10 pounds I'm fighting to lose. Some might call that letting myself go... but I'm okay with it(though I WOULD like to lose those 10 pounds).
ReplyDeleteI think all moms are the moms they are supposed to be. No one should tell another what they should be,.
ReplyDeletei have very few needs on a regular basis. when the moment arises that I need to be first I make than happen. that doesn't mean my kids are neglected though.
ReplyDeleteI still do things for myself. I could do more. Mommy guilt gets me and I pull back on self care more than I should. I keep at it though because it's good for me and it's good for my kids to see me value myself.
ReplyDeleteEnd the mommy wars. I think the world would be much better if we were all as kind as we say others should be.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure why we have to fight about EVERYTHING! Can't we just giggle at a fun meme every once in a while?
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post. Thanks for it because right now on maternity leave I also don't get a shower until both little ones are napping or even not at all until after my kids and hubs are bathed after he gets home from work. It's not such a bad thing to not wear makeup either. I will splash it on if I am about to leave the house but even then it's just concealer and foundation. Nothing super special. Kids are needy little beings and as long as you are happy and your family is happy (and you are taking care of yourself and staying healthy), there is nothing wrong with letting yourself go just a little!
ReplyDelete