The Selfie Me Vs The Real Me

I don't know if this is an issue with anyone else but who doesn't love a good selfie? I'll tell you I've come to loathe the selfie.

Why? Because I am not a fan of photos of myself in general but a selfie? Is a chore. It also isn't really me. Taking a good selfie to me is like pulling teeth. I have to make sure the angle is right, the light is a specific way, the filter has to be perfect. It's a pain.

However I have made a point of being in more photos, especially with the kids. I was told about a year ago there isn't enough photos of me so now I try, but are the photos really who I am? Not really. 

Last week I wanted to take a photo for my blog that I could use on all social media to help people know who I was, and be able to associate my photo with blog. I went through all my selfies and none of them were a true representation of me. If you were to bump into me outside on the street you most definitely wouldn't see me as my "selfie-self".

When taking photos I think about my kids. My girls mostly, and how they must feel when they see me setting myself up for a selfie, or deleting them because I just don't like them. After writing this post I've gotten a lot better about myself, but I know there's still a lot to work on. Making sure the kids see me happy with myself, and not always deleting or altering photos of myself is a huge deal to me so I have been working on this for sometime. Now it was time for me to post photos that weren't the perfect photo - not the ultimate selfie.

I asked Jordan who is so talented when it comes to photos if he would snap a few shots for me. Of course he did, and I LOVED the results. However, I was still a little nervous about posting them.

I wanted a true representation of me, who I am on a daily basis. The mom you'd see on the sidewalk, bump into and know exactly who I am... Have no idea what I'm talking about? Here's an example of my "Selfie-self" hair just right, little bit of make up and perfect lighting and angle.

Here's a photo Jordan took of me last week, no make up, no perfect hair, no perfect side angle, Just ME. Goes with the one to the right on the side bar....

I look like two different people. I'm sure this happens with a lot of people, but why? I have no answer. Except for myself which is I just generally have never liked photos of myself. My hair always looks fluffy and out of this world - it's super thick and long, I can't wear it up due to headaches and migraines so it's always the same. I rarely put make up on unless it's to go out to a fancy dinner or event.

Then it dawned on me when I was asking my husband and sister in law for advice on what photo I should use - I've spent way too much time worrying about what my photos look like, and instead I should just embrace them because I love who I am as a person, and I'm quite okay with how I look as a mom of 6 littles - I am who I am. Which, is easier said than done believe me but it's true. Why online do we feel the NEED to only post those perfect photos? I don't know but I am going to take one photo and one photo only from now on and post it. Not 40 photos of the same thing, and choose which is best! This doesn't teach our kids anything or set a good example and I don't even think we realize this. Our kids watch everything we do. My girls, always try to do things I do. 

So I took the plunge -- I posted my photo, I used it with pride and am very happy I did. No misleading, no perfect seflie, just pure honest me. I'll admit I did throw on that "Mayfair" filter from Instagram because I LOVE the deep colours and how bright photos come out, but the rest? Is what it is!

Do you like taking selfies? Do you often find photos are a true representation of you?

Mom Guilt & A Very Brave Boy!

Yesterday was a hard day to not have a clone. A double. A snazzy I need to be in 2 places at once machine.

Jayden our very brave five year old had surgery and I couldn't be there.

He was in great hands with daddy, but that still doesn't make me feel any better. I'm the type of mom that feels guilt if I am not with my kids and something happens. Good or Bad.

Oh a kid is picking on mine at school and she's crying? MOM GUILT. (And rage but that's a whole other topic!)

My child got an award at school but I didn't get the phone call? MOM GUILT.

It's who I am. I want to be there at all times and even though it isn't realistic it's still something that bugs me and I'm working on. I cry when my kids start the first day of school every year, get a report card and even when they accomplish little or big things. Crazy mom right here. But surgery? I wish I could be there.

Back when Ava was 2 she had surgery on her eyes. She was born with a lazy weak eye which also equals a bit of a cross eye. Jayden? Same thing.

After Ava's surgery I did not want to put any child through that again. I said no way, if they want it they can do it when bigger. Why? Ava woke up after surgery and flipped out. FLIPPED OUT. Instead of a nurse or doctor getting a us they put her back under. Wish I was kidding. But, I'm not. So finally hours after her surgery we got to see her and to be honest and blunt - she looked dead laying there. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to see. For 2 days after she cried non stop and was in a lot of pain. So I was against any more eye surgery. My husband didn't agree.

He is the one who has a lazy eye and wore bi-focals as a kid. They got this from him so he kind of knows what it's like to deal with (or not) and decided Jayden needed the surgery.

So, here we are. They had to be at the hospital for 9am. His surgery was scheduled for 11a-1230pm but they took him in an hour early.

He did incredible and is doing wonderfully. He even facetimed with me from the recovery room. Where he had one of the most incredible nurses I'm told, which is AMAZING.

 When he got home I was so relieved. I think he was too and was happy to see me!

He is feeling great, and is home with me today. So why do I still feel awful? I don't know if this is typical mom behavior this feeling of guilt, I don't have my mom to ask but it really truly is stressful not being there for your child. Instead I had to be home to get the other kids off to school, to be with Jackson and Justin (Justin who is still nursing and can't be too far from me for long) and there's no way I could have gone by myself with Jayden, I'm just too much of a dramatic mess to do that. I would have cried my eyes out and no one needs that, especially Jayden. So I sat home and made him things he requested like Blue and Green jello, Chocolate chunk cookies, Cupcakes and even a surprise little cake.

I think it's time to realize it's okay to NOT be at their side every time something happens. I'm NOT their only parent. How will they be independent, or learn how to cope with things on their own? Surgery is a big deal, but Daddy was with him so it's not like he was left alone to be scared or anything.

This is more of a mom's crazy guilt, attachment issue I think. After all when we did FaceTime the first thing he said to me? " Mom I fell asleep on my own! " referring to the fact they had to put him to sleep for the surgery. It wasn't him screaming in pain, calling my name through a fit of tears. He was OK.

I'm just generally the one there for everything. An ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and a kiss when a booboo happens and is needed. I stick up for them and guide them when upset or in pain... But Daddy was there. So, I guess that's an issue within me I have to deal with - I just need to figure out how!

Babies don't stay babies for long, and they won't need their mommy forever. Time I start to face the music before I really learn my lesson right?

How do you deal with mom guilt? or any kind of guilt?

Two Thousand Three - 11 Years!

Today I celebrate (and also cry a little) because my 1st born is 11 years old! My 8lb perfect little boy was born at 2:10pm. I was 17 when I got pregnant and freshly 18 when he was born - and pretty scared, while also all alone but excited for what was to come!

He was perfect. So sweet and breastfed right away. We bonded instantly, and from that moment on I knew what a joy he would bring to life. Everyone's life who met him.

I was a single mom and not really sure how things would play out, how I was going to deal with everything but in the moment you don't really think of that. It was all pure bliss to me.

Jordan and I lived with my brother for a few weeks before moving to another city with my other brother then I ended up back home in the city I knew as home a few months later and ended up going back to school, worked and ended up meeting my husband. 

What happened to Jordan's biological father you are probably wondering? That's a whole other blog topic I'll save for another day!

In spite of that mess - Being a teen mom sure isn't a walk in the park, and I wouldn't ever glorify or encourage it but I'm one of those rare cases that found being a teen mom not so difficult. I had zero support, but managed to pull through just fine, and Jordan? Is one of the best kids you'll ever meet. He has been tested and is labelled "gifted" in reading, language and if you have a real conversation with him you'd think you were speaking to an adult.

I believe being so young, having to grow up pretty fast and him and I being on our own until he was 2.5 really helped shape me into the mother I am today.

It's crazy how things work out, but I do believe everything happens for a reason. I'm really glad things happened how they did. I wouldn't have this amazing young man today if it didn't.

Today we celebrate his 11th year of life and my 11th year of being a mom to an amazing, smart, fun kid I couldn't imagine life without! 

Jordan, you entered this world 11 years ago today on a Sunday and you've been such a joy to all those who know you. Thank you for being so amazing and for teaching me what true unconditional love really is..... Now let's have cake!

Letting Yourself Go?

What do you think of the "Letting yourself go" part of this at first glance at this meme?

Me? I took it as "letting go" = hair, make up and clothes.

I also didn't really notice the  "try it sometime"  I guess that could be considered a dig at some, but I didn't really notice it at first, so this isn't about that.

A friend of mine posted this meme on her facebook page and got some pretty unkind responses. She took it as not doing hair, make up and wearing heels everyday while others took it as unhealthy (unfit, etc)

Let's forget what else the meme says and focus on the "Letting yourself go" part...

I am one of those moms who does put my kids 1st in the daily department. My needs are met, albeit probably not first thing in the morning but they are met. I'm happy. Truly, happy when it comes to most aspects of my life. So what gives?

Most days I don't get a shower in the morning, I have it when my husband gets home for work or mid afternoon when both babies are asleep.

Most days I don't wear a single speck of make up. I haven't since I was about 20. Not because I don't have time, or I'm lazy... Pretty much because I'm uninterested. Some days I feel like putting it on, and sure it makes me feel different but I don't feel I need it on a daily basis, especially when my time is mostly spent at home tending to the kids and household.

Most days I also don't do anything to my hair besides brush it and that's fine with me. I've NEVER been one to do fancy updos, or even throw my hair in a pony tail (I get migraines from them!) so my hair is mostly down, and often looking iffy because the heat does wonders to thick, wavy hair!

My clothes? Right now I'm still fighting losing all my baby weight so I mostly lean towards the black clothes often with a splash of colour... And jeans? Haven't put any back on since having Justin almost a year ago, but I'm comfortable and to me? That's what matters.

Does that mean I've "let myself go?" Not really, not to me anyway - I don't really care what others think. I wasn't put on this planet to please anyone, I care how my kids feel and how I project onto them.

I will say, in all honesty it wasn't until about a year or so ago when I really became aware of the fact my kids watch what I say/do very closely, and it all reflects back on them. I even posted a blog about it not long ago. I began watching what I say about myself negatively and made sure to ALWAYS compliment them even on the littlest things. If one of them says "you are so pretty mommy" I thank them, and giggle with them. To them I'm not only mommy but one of the two most important people in their life, so I go with it!

I know a healthy, happy mom = healthy, happy kids. But to some of us being happy doesn't mean wearing make up everyday, wearing the latest fashion or having fancy updos. To some of us it just simply means BEING US. No muss, no fuss.

Doesn't mean those who wear make up, the latest fashion trends or have beautifully done hair care about themselves anymore or any less and it most certainly doesn't mean they care anymore or any less about their children.

I was mortified when I saw the above meme turn into yet again another mommy war. Maybe someone felt guilty about their choices? I don't know. But one persons sweat pants may be another persons Jimmy Choo's. Who knows.

Also, just to explain Why I didn't think the meme meant unhealthy? Like maybe some do - Food, and body wise!? Because I know SO many people battling weight issues. Their own fault and/or not so I never know. I see people struggling and really trying so when things like this are said, being fat/unhealthy/unfit/ letting themselves go doesn't fall into that category for me at all. Maybe that's only me, but who knows.

I have discovered over the last (almost) 11 years of parenthood taking time for yourself is CRITICAL. You don't have to do much, but getting some time to yourself (a late night bubble bath, an hour to yourself to read or even time blogging or browsing Facebook in the quiet) is important and most needed! So if you can find the time, please do! If not for sanity's sake, then for you because you deserve it.

It doesn't matter at the end of the day what you look like or wear. It matters how you feel about yourself. As long as you are a happy, healthy mom that is all that matters. It all projects back on to those little impressionable minds that often times we don't think are watching, but they are!

What do you think?

Feeding Our Babies

With world breastfeeding week coming to a close today I figured it would be a good day to post about this very topic, breastfeeding or more importantly just feeding our babies!

I have 6 children but have only exclusively breastfed 2. I attempted with 2 others but failed miserably at 2 weeks with both of them. Both times ending with mastitis and me switching to formula.

OH NO DID I SAY FORMULA?

Yep. 4 of my babies have had formula and guess what? They are smart, happy and extremely healthy. All 6 of my kids are in fact extremely smart, happy and healthy! I am okay with this, and don't love some babies more than others, or think some will do better in life than the others...

I am really tired of all the formula feeding vs breastfeeding fights. I am also really tired of the "OMG you are breastfeeding in public? COVER UP!" Comments too. How rude can you be?

I would just like to say on the 9th of this month Justin and I will have hit 11 months. He does eat solids now but that doesn't stop him from breastfeeding every 3-4 hours still. Yep, you read that right. In addition to breakfast, lunch and dinner PLUS snacks during the day... He nurses every 3-4 hours. It's okay, I feel the e-hugs.

I don't mind it, I actually am very proud of where we are at and am cherishing this while I can. Jackson quit himself at 14.5 months and although we hit a year and I'm so very proud of that, I wanted to hit 2 years. So, while I may have some experience under my belt I still however am nervous out in public. Even more so now because he rips the blanket off, so I can't cover up. I do wear layers even in the 80+ degree weather. No one has ever, or can ever see anything at all and Not because I'm worried about what Tom, Dick or Harry has to say but because I'm just a shy person.

It really breaks my heart to see comments I do all over the internet regarding breastfeeding and moms should "cover up when out in public!" What comments? Hmmm..

"I don't want to see that cover up"

"Go sit in the bathroom to breastfeed!"

"I didn't come out in public to see your boobs"

"Breastfeeding is bonding, no need to shove it in anyone's face. Do it in private"

First of all, while in the beginning breastfeeding is huge for bonding yes, and yes it still very much is throughout - but to be very blunt; it's feeding a baby. Also, I know I don't breastfeed in public to shove it in anyone's face, I do it because my baby is hungry and will NOT take a bottle or a sippy cup yet.

How can I put it simply? Breastfeeding has nothing to do with YOU. It's about that person who is breastfeeding's child needing to be fed, and possibly comforted. Whatever the reason may be, a breastfeeding mother and child isn't any harm to you or anyone else so why does it matter? I don't think I will ever know the answer to that.

I do know that most comments I read, or hear are from other women. Any comments from men are generally sexual, which I won't even touch on - but other women? That is very, truly sad. 

I understand not everyone wants to breastfeed, or if they want to but can't.. I get that, I really do. But there is no need for anyone to bash breastfeeding or formula feeding either for that matter. As long as a baby is well taken care of, loved, and healthy why does it matter? 

I know if I was a young mom with zero support, and just starting out with my family if I heard some of these comments it would most definitely interfere with my breastfeeding relationship with my children, especially out in public. Not everyone has support, and encouragement and not everyone can just brush off the comments or deal with them the same way. If someone were to say these things to me today, I would most definately tell them what I thought but not everyone is like that. It's a real shame.

My children know breasts are for feeding babies. They did before I breastfed my youngest two. Sure as they get older they will realize they can and do often get used for other things, but there general purpose is breastfeeding. I used to think back when I was without children I wouldn't ever breastfeed in public or want to see it because "OH MY GOSH WHAT IF MY CHILD or ANOTHER SEES THAT?" Now, I say - oh well, explain that's what breasts are for and move on...

Isn't that simple? I think so. Most kids are curious and would ask questions, it would be a great time to educate them properly about breasts.

I decided today was a great day to write this post because of comments I saw to this photo of Olivia Wilde and her gorgeous baby boy, Otis. While I know a lot of people are all "OMG HER BABY IS NAKED IN A DINER!" - note its a photo shoot, and shes really not out to a diner with a naked baby, and focus on the true beauty of the photo.

Photo credit: Glamour magazine - glamour.com

Not everyone has to agree, and not everyone has to "feel" one way or another about breastfeeding or formula feeding.. But, it goes both ways. Formula Feeding and Breastfeeding mothers absolutely hate being labeled, and hate being made to feel bad about their choice. THEIR choice - At the end of the day, feel how you want to feel, own it, but also remember: Feeding ones baby isn't about you, and your comfort it's about the baby and the babies comfort. Babies have to eat, from breast or bottle and regardless of how our babies are fed... They are fed. That is truly what matters. So ladies, feed those babies and be proud - you are doing the absolute best you can for that beautiful baby of yours!

Our babies need to eat. Breastfeeding or Bottle Feeding it doesn't matter. Happy bellies, and healthy babies is all that matters!

SURPRISE!

My Birthday isn't until July 29th so you could imagine my shock and excitement when my husband and Jordan went out for a quick little shopping trip early afternoon yesterday and came home with a little surprise for me! They got me a Nikon camera!

I already have a digital camera, a Canon but in the beginning of last summer it stopped working. I tucked it away and just relied on my iPhone. Well, after attending some concerts and live event's we quickly realized iPhone's are perfect for all occasions and lighting conditions. We had talked about getting me a new camera for some time, so I was truly thrilled when they got me this one! It's a Nikon Coolpix L830. I absolutely love it. It isn't a huge fancy DSLR or anything extravagant but it's a big upgrade from all my previous cameras and it's perfect for me, and what I need a camera for. I love it, and took it outside today for a few test images. I need to figure it out still, as I just got it last night after I got home from the boys' soccer games at 9pm but I think it will be easy and quick to figure out!

I can't get over the zoom on this camera. I took a photo of an Airplane that was extremely far and we could hardly see it from where we were and was shocked at what I saw... Just check out some of the shots I got:

 

Jayden was home so he volunteered to take some action shots with me, and I think they turned out pretty great! I am sure I will get lots of use out of this camera. I'm over the moon with it! 

Tattooed Mama!

For as long as I can remember my mom had tattoos. I always thought they were the coolest, and I knew I'd have some one day. Well, 2 days ago I got tattoo #5. I also have an appt next week to finish up my tattoo I have for my kids (it needs 2 stars added for Jackson and Justin!) and for tattoo #6. I cannot wait!

When I was 16 and my mom passed away I finally got my first tattoo. It is dedicated to my mom, and says "Mommy's Girl" It's on my stomach to the side, and its been through 6 pregnancies and still looks the same. Now that I've had other tattoos done, I see what crappy work it was, but it's still dear to me regardless because of what it means.

I know some people think "omg, tattoos are for life! you shouldn't get them!" but I love them anyways, and mine are all where they can be covered if needed no problem.

I can honestly say, to this day 4 out of my 5 tattoos didn't hurt. The one done just 2 days ago? WORST PAIN! It felt like burning, and deep, deep, pain. But, I'm told it's because it was on the top of my foot and it's a pretty sensitive area due to the thin skin! I'd agree.

I am impressed with how it turned out though. I love every single one of my tattoos. Next week,  #6 is an autograph of someone famous that recently passed away. I've taken 6 months to think about it and I decided I wanted to do it - It means a lot to me. I donate to this persons charity monthly, I have for a long time, and I always thought autograph tattoos were super cool.

Here are all my tattoos to date, in order of when I got them!

 My very first tattoo on my stomach - says "Mommy's girl"

 My 2nd tattoo I got when I was 18 on my lower back.

 3rd tattoo on my right wrist. Big yellow star symbolizes me and the others are my kids. Need 2 more for the 2 babies!

 On my left wrist my hubby and I have this matching tattoo. His has a J in the middle for me:)

And my beautiful 5th tattoo I got a few nights ago on my right foot. My beloved Orca whale, which if you know me at all know is one of my all time favorite things in this world.

Do you have any tattoos? what are they? If not, and you'd like one what would you get?

Just 10 Seconds for Mom, PLEASE!

Lately it seems as though I can't even have 10 seconds to myself. I stand up and not only do I have 3 dogs on my behind but usually 2-3 kids as well. I have no idea why. No matter what I do, or where I go this happens.

Even if I just stand up and move to a different spot on the couch... they jump up to follow me, but I don't even move just scoot down. It's usually my girls and now Jayden that does this.

Which, is great I love sitting with them, cuddling and being close but is there a point it becomes too much?

It just seems like it's getting worse, and I'm not sure why. It's not like a nice little cuddle, or hug here and there, it's full on - on top of me!

When I went out to dinner with Ilana a few weeks ago we were talking about kids and I had mentioned it and she made a good point. They know my mom passed away when I was younger so maybe they don't want me out of their sight, or out of reach for too long out of fear?

I didn't really think much of it, but it really makes sense.

I've been very open and honest with them about my mom and the fact she had cancer so she did pass away. They've asked questions, so I have tried my hardest to answer them the best I can. I don't go into specifics, they just know that she was 48, passed away after getting sick with cancer. That's basically it. Which is really all that happened though, nothing bad or gory to explain. 

I get their concern, and I understand that in their minds I'm sure that fear will always be there. But not letting me have my own little space to breathe? Can be a bit suffocating. So I need to be gentle with this because I don't want them to think I'm pushing them away or I don't want the closeness, or I don't want them around because it's not that at all, so I really need to approach this with a lot of caution. This is very important to me to keep their feelings from being hurt, but be able to have a little bit of my own space. My kids are my everything, they are my world so you know if I'm saying this is too much, it's too much!

To be able to go to the bathroom, or stand up to grab a drink without tripping over them, you know?

This morning I tried to get up and go change the laundry around. Our laundry is in the kitchen which is on the same level, and eye shot from the living room and within seconds I had 3 dogs and 2 kids on my heels. So much so, one of them stepped on the back of my heel.

So, I had to have a little chat with them and let them know, just because I get up to walk around doesn't mean I'm not going to come right back to where I was, or if I go to another room, or floor of the house doesn't mean I'm not coming back. They need to understand that they don't have to be on top of me 24/7...... But I'm not sure how well it sunk in. I think we may end up having a few more conversations about this.

Hopefully soon I will be able to pee in peace. And a shower? bath? Can't remember the last time I was able to do that without having kids knocking, yelling or UNLOCKING the door with a penny to get in and say "Hi mom!" (and yes, I only ever do these things when my husband is home - he doesn't do a good job of keeping them from finding me!)

Has anyone ever dealt with this before? They've never dealt with people coming and going from their lives. There's nothing new going on in our lives, or big changes! I've never left for long periods of time, the longest I believe I've been away from them in the last oh, 5 years is when I was at the hospital to give birth and even then I was on the phone with them all and having them come visit..... So, it can be exhausting. While taking care of a baby, toddler and a household.

I wonder how else I can explain this to them in a way an 8, 7 and 5 year old can understand but not feel like I'm pushing them away or I'm mad. I'm not in the least. I just need a little space to be able to...BREATHE?

Not Another Somber Mother's Day

This year will be much different for Mother's Day. Most year's although I have zero reason to be sad on Mother's Day where my life is concerned, having so many sweet blessings in my life but I usually am a bit somber because my mother isn't here to share the day with me. I shed some tears, and usually look at her photo and light a candle for her at night. Talk to my kids about her, and just let them know she's always with us.

But this year - it will be a bit different. This Mother's Day won't be about me. Why? Because it's this guys 3rd Birthday on Mother's Day!

My little Jackson is turning THREE!!! I can't believe it. I'm excited, and thrilled to share my day with him!

So even though my mom still won't be here, she will be in Spirit and her Candle will be lit -but this year, on this day I've chosen to just celebrate Jackson joining our family and focus on him. Not me, not my loss! Because it's his day. He's been such a joy, and I couldn't imagine our family without him!

What do you plan on doing for Mother's day? Will you get a day at the spa? Hang out with the family? or take your mom out for a treat?

Breastfeeding & Formula Feeding: Something's Gotta Give

A few days ago I was taking photos for a product review I was doing. Completely clothed, fully covered but breastfeeding. I decided to share it and another on Instagram because I was completely proud of it. I in turn lost 2 followers within 3 minutes of posting it; and not before they left some "kind" words for me. No biggie, I'm a big girl I can take it.

 See anything wrong with this photo? Nope. Neither do I.

Some people do, and that's fine. I understand we live in a world where not everyone agrees with everything others do and I get that. I respect that. I however do not agree with leaving nasty comments or saying mean things when it's about something you don't agree with. This happens A LOT in the world of blogging and even more so in the world of Mom. Something's gotta give.

I don't post breastfeeding photos often. When I do, Generally I get nothing but praise for having 6 kids and breastfeeding. I just don't feel comfortable posting them because the odd time I do get negative comments - I can shrug them off but I worry about others. Others who may be struggling or needing a little extra support and encouragement. I worry about them seeing such comments.

I got pregnant with Jordan at 17. Became his mom at 18. I had zero support let alone ANY support for breastfeeding so I switched after 2 weeks of breastfeeding to formula and that's okay. But it would have been nice to have some support and encouragement.

Did you notice how I phrased that? I "switched after 2 weeks" ? Not failed, switched...

That's because you never fail when you have to switch to formula. You never fail when you chose just go with formula from the get go either. It isn't failing, it's simply feeding your baby. Period. No mother is any better by choosing to breastfeed or formula feed. No mother is better because she CAN breastfeed while one CAN'T (because yes, there are some moms who cannot) but there are also some who simply choose not to - that's okay. Why? Because as long as baby is being fed, who cares?

That's all that matters.

So if I do post those few breastfeeding photos and I get a discouraging comment I do get disheartened because what if a young mom with no support who is struggling with breastfeeding were to see and notice a negative nasty comment? What good do those comments do for her? Even if you don't agree with breastfeeding, or think it's for you - it may be for someone else, so even if you think leaving your opinion is your right (which sure it may be) just think about the consequences first and who it may impact.

I didn't try breastfeeding babies #2 or 3. But did try again with 4. I had lots of help and support but again at two weeks switched - I had gotten mastitis and just couldn't fight on.

So when pregnant with #5 and armed with a team of support both at home and online I knew I could do it! I did! We successfully strictly breastfed for 14.5 months. When he weaned himself. I was and still am beyond proud - but had I had no support, or read comments I see now all over the place I never would have done it. When baby #6 was coming I knew I was going to no matter what because not only did I still have the support but I had the knowledge and knew I could do it and if I ever doubted that I knew I had support, and people to turn to if needed.

What about those that don't have support? Don't have anyone to ask questions? Sure they can switch to formula and that's fine, but what about that one mom who has her heart set on breastfeeding but is having a bit of trouble and would like to reach to others with experience for support before making the switch?

What about that mom who couldn't breastfeed? Or the one who chose formula because it is what's best for their family? Because I've seen a lot of bad mouthing that too.

Just because a mom may not be able to breastfeed, or chooses not to doesn't mean they are any less of a mother. It just means they chose what is best for them, their baby and their family. This isn't something to warrant attacks, this is something everyone needs to realize -  even if you disagree, it's right for her. Not every person who chooses formula, or needs to use it needs educating on why "breast is best" either. Most mothers know this, and most mothers give this a lot of thought. I'm sure there are lots who haven't and aren't too knowledgeable on the subject but there are ways to go about giving information.

So, I'm here to tell you something's gotta give. With Facebook deleting breastfeeding photos - Instagram too... And all the reports "a mom in such and such a place got asked to cover up or move to the bathroom" I think it's time we stop, take a moment to realize - it's no ones business how any child is fed, as long as it's fed.  (I won't even touch on the whole Breastfeeding in public issues right now that have been going on because that's a whole other blog topic).

But, Making rude nasty comments - only hurts those innocent moms who are trying so hard to do what they feel is best for their child and their situation and it's no ones job, or right to bring her down. NO ONE. It may also hurt the poor mom you are leaving the messages for on a level you may never imagine. How about lifting up those who breastfeed and formula feed? How about giving some praise, because they are trying! They just brought a brand new life into this world, the last thing they should be doing is dealing with anyone else's negativity. They are doing what is right for them and their beautiful babies and don't need to be told their decision is wrong, gross or indecent. They don't need to be told any of it.

Educating is one thing, attacking and judging are another. Moms need to stick together, and fight the fight and leave the mom wars behind.

See a young girl needing advice or educating on breastfeeding or formula feeding? Offer up some advice or tell her if she has any questions to ask. Be supportive whatever the choices may be. Don't attack or assume. There's always a story, and a reason why people are doing what they are doing. Simply not knowing or even just choosing to do what's right for them. Let them be the judge, how about being an ear or a shoulder.

Just something to think about.

Bedtime Woes - Aren't Just For Newborns & Toddlers!

My kids are great kids but let's face it - they're kids, and although I don't have too many gripes, We do have some struggles..

One being recently they've started this little trend where they will dawdle at bedtime. They will have to pee three times, they'll have to re-brush their teeth because they might have missed a spot! They fight and take their time to tell the tale. It's just always something.

Now? They like to lay down for half an hour or so, then come downstairs for some water, sit at the table sipping on said water. I'm all, hello didn't I just put you to bed? This can happen multiple times a night.

Kyla is the worst for it - she does this every single night. Ava does it usually only when her legs are hurting her. Jordan will come down for a drink, or toilet paper or to tell me something he forgot to tell me after school, multiple times a week. I honestly don't get it. What is so hard about "it's bedtime!"? It can get so frustrating especially when they never have reasons besides "I was thirsty" okay well we have mini cups in the bathroom for that, and it doesn't take them hours and multiple trips for that one drink. So what is truly going on?

They are tired. Their behaviour is a fine indicator of that. We've tried later bedtimes, earlier bedtimes.. Doesn't work. They all with the exception of Jordan have night lights or some form of one - the girls have flower lamps that change colour for when they sleep. The boys have a flashing sign lighting up their room that says "ROCK!".. All leave their bedroom doors open a bit, with the upstairs bathroom light on - So I know it's not that. I don't think it's a separation thing; or Could it be?

They have bedtime snacks, plus a few sips of a drink before heading up to brush their teeth, go pee and we read bedtime stories. What is it in those thirty minutes after they've been given kisses and tucked in do they do that makes them so thirsty they need a drink? their bladder so full they MUST PEE NOW? Or there is something left unsaid they must say RIGHT NOW? Clueless mom here because I don't get it.

Last night Kyla came down three hours after our bedtime routine, she got a drink. . . Sat on the floor staring at the baby, not even saying a word. I asked her what she's doing? She said "getting a drink." This was well after 10 o'clock at night. Way past bedtime, and not time to be up messing around..

Bedtime is mama's time to relax, get some work done, write a blog...and generally just have some quiet "me" time. But this is becoming a habit. It's starting to feel like I don't ever get some time to myself, and that is a must for any parent... But, more than that - I wan't to get to the bottom of what is going on. She says nothing, and never has any reasons or excuses besides being thirsty. But I'm not really buying it...

My kids are brutal in the am if they don't get adequate sleep so - I need to nip this in the bud pronto...... I just don't know what is going on. Has anyone else dealt with this before? I can't be the only one....

Raising Daughters

I'm the first one to admit it isn't always easy being a mom to six kids - two of which are girls.

My girls are ten months apart. One being born in October 2006 the other August 2007. It doesn't put them in the same grade at school or class, but it puts them extremely close in age which often makes life very interesting.

My girls couldn't be more different. Kyla is very shy and extremely sensitive. Ava is shy and very outspoken. Both are extremely loving, kind and generous little girls. Both also have very strong personalities which isn't a bad thing at all!

I'm not sure if it's because they are so close in age, or because they are sisters (because my boys sure don't do this) but they butt heads a lot. One minute they are the best of friends, the next they are hating each other, calling each other names and getting another sibling to gang up on the other. It's something I have never dealt with. So, It's most definitely a learning experience for me.

Last year was really extremely difficult with my girls. We had to make big changes where bedrooms were concerned. They had shared a bedroom since Ava was 18 months old, but last summer we had to give them both their own rooms and have 2 of the boys share the bigger room because it was impossible to have any sleep at night, to get them to learn responsibilities where toys, books, clothes anything was concerned. Their room was a complete wreck constantly. They'd keep each other up all night, every night. It was awful. It made days really long, and no one was happy. I was not getting any sleep either having to deal with them, so it was starting to take a toll on me too - which is why on a kwim I switched all bedrooms around.

Now, I'm happy to say everyone gets a full nights rest, the kids seem much happier and they get along much better, in fact probably better than they have in years.

Maybe they just needed some space from each other, to grow and be the individuals they are. I'm not sure, but all that matters is everyone is happy.

If I think back to when I was younger my mom and I would butt heads more than I care to admit. While my brothers and my mom had a decent relationship (not always so, but that's family!) I think it just comes with the territory that boys are often "mama's boys" and are closer to their mothers, Girls sometimes tend to get babied by their moms because we know what it's like to be a young girl. We've been there, done that... So we tend to be a bit harder on girls then we do the boys. If we realize we are doing it, I'm not sure.. But this in turn can push some girls away. Which I do not want for my girls, at all. I want the kind of relationship with my girls I missed out on with my mom when she passed away when I was 16.  I'm trying to really make an effort to ensure I don't so much as baby my girls, but help them along in life by being honest, sharing my experiences and not being too overly protective while being protective because they are still my babies and always will be, if that makes any sense?

I think I've been rather fair thus far, and I treat everyone equally. I love all my kids the same, but I do find my girls can be a bit more emotional (hello, girls!) so they tend to take things more to heart than the boys do. Five minutes after dealing with an issue with my boys, they love me and want hugs and kisses, all is forgotten - the girls, can hold a grudge for days! They can be fine, but a few days go by and they bring it up again. I remember what it's like though, and I can say for sure I was the exact same way. It wasn't that long ago for me you know, so I remember quite well! They think that if they do something wrong it's the end of the world, whereas the boys don't really care and are over it within minutes. It's for sure opened my eyes to the fact boys may be a bit easier than girls to raise. But I am most definitely up for this challenge and I am looking forward to it.

My girls may only be six and seven right now, but I think it's these early years that really count and make them into who they turn out to be as teens, young adults and mature women. I think these years are extremely important and I want to make sure I'm doing the best I can with my girls.

Anyone who has been through it, or is going through the same things as me.. feel free to comment. Words of advice or encouragement is extremely well received, and I look forward to anything anyone has to offer along my journey raising daughters.

Three things you don't want to say to mom's of many...

• 3. "Are they all yours?" - I really want to respond with something sarcastic and funny when I'm asked this. Truth is I am just so tired of this question.  I usually just smile and say yes. I don't ever think of anything witty or sarcastic at the time I'm asked. Only time I say anything is when that question is followed by a remark after I answer "wow, that's a lot" why yes it is, thanks for reminding me.... Or  "Wow! You don't look old enough, are they ALL yours?" Really? Yes they are. People think I should take it as a compliment that people think I look so young but in reality it gets super annoying super quickly when it's commented on All.the.time.

• 2. "Are you going to have MORE?" - I never answer this question. I smile and carry on. I feel it's no ones business and the mere fact is this question is asked to even moms of 1 and 2. Sometimes people ask it WHILE someone is pregnant. Why? I know in my situation it is usually rudely asked. "Gee, 6... Are you having MORE?" What is so bad about 6? Or 7? If you think it's too many that's fine, they are mine not yours. This one still blows my mind. As long as we love them and they are well cared for I don't see the problem. Perhaps if we couldn't do it or were struggling but we aren't, and we do everything ourselves so this question, just quit it!

• 1. The worst question of all: "Are you getting your tubes tied or is he getting snipped??" - um hello! Could a more personal question be asked? I find this the worst of all. I don't get it.  Why should I undergo surgery because you think so, because you think I have too many kids? I don't know if this one is jealousy or what, but it to me is the worst. I get asked this a ton. From people I don't see, ever. Clearly they don't see my everyday life or know what I do or go through with my kids so to me this is just a rude question. What business is it of anybody else's how many kids I want? Do you ever help me? Do I ask you for anything, besides maybe an ear every once in a while IF that? (And it's usually never regarding my kids I need an ear for fyi)

These of course are questions I get often and bug me. I'm sure others could add to it, or even disagree but as a young mom to six kids these are the top three questions I get asked the most. I don't think they would bug me as much if they were just randomly asked but it seems every time we go out we hear #2 and #3 which really gets tiring after a while. #1 I get less often, but it's my biggest pet peeve. Perhaps if the people asking #1 were around more than say once a year I wouldn't be bothered by it but they aren't, and online people ask that too! I just can't believe it. Sometimes it's best to keep your comments to yourself, and maybe only ask these questions to someone you are close enough to ask or just don't at all. Family is different, they can basically say whatever they want - even if it does seem a bit odd, but they are family!

I get that six is a lot, and not for everyone. I do. But, for me? for us? it's perfect. It's a perfect number and I love my family. The bigger the better, the more love!

Do you have any that could be added to this list? I would love to hear some things people ask you. If so, leave them in the comments I will share in an upcoming post!

Overcoming...

Today I actually did something that I never thought I'd do. I overcame one of my biggest fears. Being in a video. Sounds weird right? I know but, hear me out. I have never liked the way I look and on camera it was always worse. Don't get me wrong, I love being in photos with my kids and taking a quick shot for IG now, but that wasn't always the case... If you ever look closely at my IG feed it wasn't until recently when I really became comfortable even taking a photo with me in it and posting it! When anyone mentioned FaceTime or anything I would always change the subject or avoid it and hope to goodness I never got that notification on my phone/ipad!

Having children really makes you stop and think about the way you look at things, especially yourself. Before I had kids I had no problems discussing what was wrong with my body, or how big my nose was. I wouldn't ever say such things in front of my kids - you never want to talk about that kind of thing in front of kids. Especially little girls. I just never felt the need to, but someone extremely wise reminded me of this not too long ago and it really made me think. Not only about myself, and my feelings for myself but for my kids.

I still may not be happy with my nose, laugh lines, my chin  and now my 9 weeks postpartum belly - but I've accepted them. They are mine, they are apart of ME.

For the last few years I've really tried to stress to my kids how beautiful they are, and how perfect they are just the way they are... Then I realized, I was lying! Not to them about how beautiful and perfect they are but to myself! Here I was telling them the very thing I had been beating myself up over for years secretly and sometimes not so secretly when I was a teen.

It wasn't until my oldest daughter began telling me how pretty she thought I was that I really was put in my place. Here she was this gorgeous, tall, blue eyed dirty blonde 7 year-old girl standing there looking at me saying "Mom, you are so pretty! I wish I looked like you!" I smiled and I told her how gorgeous she was and she smiled and danced away to the music in the background... It didn't really register with me until later on.

From that moment on I became a little bit more secure with myself. I started to wear make up again, straighten my hair again.. I even started to post photos of myself with my kids and gasp, ALONE on instagram! I can't change what I look like so the obvious choice was to give my head a shake and realize if this beautiful little girl looked at me and thought I was pretty, I needed to start acting like I thought so too. And guess what? It feels good to actually put on make up, and want to be included in things such as photos and as of today a video!

I was asked to do a short video, literally 15 seconds long and I was having a mini panic attack while getting ready for this video. Above is a still from it. It took a lot of takes, just to get this 15 seconds but I am absolutely happy with how it turned out... 

I really hope if the time ever comes my girls ever question their looks, I can make them feel as secure with themselves as my little girl did for me that day. She still tells me all the time how pretty I am, and sometimes she says she wants to look like me.. So I guess I've already started on this journey with her, letting her know she may not look like me but she is absolutely beautiful and I wouldn't change her for the world inside or out!

Not Super, Just Mom.

 "You are superwoman!"

Today I woke up feeling awful. My head was throbbing, my throat hurt and a wisdom tooth I had broke in half 2 weeks after Justin was born was also throbbing. I knew it was going to be a tough day with DH working until 630p, but I had to get through it.

People always say things to me like "wow, you are supermom!" or "I don't know how you do it!" and today, I didn't feel so super and I didn't know how I was going to do it. To let you in on a little secret I HATE when people say I'm super mom... Why? Because I'm not, and it makes me feel like I have to be ALL THE TIME.

Today, Like most days the kids truly wanted to be at each other all day, by noon I just let them bicker back and forth. I had gotten so tired of telling two or more to stop it, or be quiet. I couldn't think of anymore chores to hand out to get them away from each other because the house was clean, the dishes were done and I wasn't starting any baking today. So we read, we played a game and watched a tv show.. Needless to say the bickering and screaming went on most of the day. At one point I even had to stomp my feet and send 4 of them to their rooms. That's not real super.

Most weekends when I'm not feeling awful we bake, we cook, we do crafts and we do lots of things together... today I really just wanted to rest and not do much, so when I knew I had the chance to sit and do things with them I did instead of being up and all over the place with them.

Still wondering how I was going to get through the day I realized, I don't have to have a perfectly clean house, something baking or cooking - I just have to get through the day and as long as my kids are happy, healthy, clean and loved who cares about everything else, at least for one day!  I'm NOT supermom, I'm just mom. So if I have a lazy day, I shouldn't feel guilty right? 

It really bugs me when people say I'm supermom because I always feel like I have to live up to that every single day even when I feel sick. I feel like I need to prove something to people, to myself and I don't know why. Maybe its because of the comments I get about having six kids - I don't know. It's something I should really sit down and think about why it bothers me as to most it would be a compliment. I guess just feeling like there's a standard that I must live up to since people think I'm something I'm not is a bit hard to deal with.

Today, I wasn't supermom. I wasn't trying to live up to anything -- Today I just got through the day. And that's okay. It felt great!

And guess what? The kids are just fine.

The whole "I don't know how you do it" doesn't bother me but I don't know what that means really? I do it like any other parent "does" it. Just because I have six kids doesn't mean I'm so different it just means there's extra noise, extra mouths and extra love! I love all the hussle and bustle of little kids hooting and hollering around me. I love always having the house full! I'm no different, just have some extra people in my life to love!

I dunno, hopefully I can keep re-reading this entry to remind myself - - It's OK to be sick, it's OK not to over do it everyday...