Mom Guilt & A Very Brave Boy!

Yesterday was a hard day to not have a clone. A double. A snazzy I need to be in 2 places at once machine.

Jayden our very brave five year old had surgery and I couldn't be there.

He was in great hands with daddy, but that still doesn't make me feel any better. I'm the type of mom that feels guilt if I am not with my kids and something happens. Good or Bad.

Oh a kid is picking on mine at school and she's crying? MOM GUILT. (And rage but that's a whole other topic!)

My child got an award at school but I didn't get the phone call? MOM GUILT.

It's who I am. I want to be there at all times and even though it isn't realistic it's still something that bugs me and I'm working on. I cry when my kids start the first day of school every year, get a report card and even when they accomplish little or big things. Crazy mom right here. But surgery? I wish I could be there.

Back when Ava was 2 she had surgery on her eyes. She was born with a lazy weak eye which also equals a bit of a cross eye. Jayden? Same thing.

After Ava's surgery I did not want to put any child through that again. I said no way, if they want it they can do it when bigger. Why? Ava woke up after surgery and flipped out. FLIPPED OUT. Instead of a nurse or doctor getting a us they put her back under. Wish I was kidding. But, I'm not. So finally hours after her surgery we got to see her and to be honest and blunt - she looked dead laying there. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to see. For 2 days after she cried non stop and was in a lot of pain. So I was against any more eye surgery. My husband didn't agree.

He is the one who has a lazy eye and wore bi-focals as a kid. They got this from him so he kind of knows what it's like to deal with (or not) and decided Jayden needed the surgery.

So, here we are. They had to be at the hospital for 9am. His surgery was scheduled for 11a-1230pm but they took him in an hour early.

He did incredible and is doing wonderfully. He even facetimed with me from the recovery room. Where he had one of the most incredible nurses I'm told, which is AMAZING.

 When he got home I was so relieved. I think he was too and was happy to see me!

He is feeling great, and is home with me today. So why do I still feel awful? I don't know if this is typical mom behavior this feeling of guilt, I don't have my mom to ask but it really truly is stressful not being there for your child. Instead I had to be home to get the other kids off to school, to be with Jackson and Justin (Justin who is still nursing and can't be too far from me for long) and there's no way I could have gone by myself with Jayden, I'm just too much of a dramatic mess to do that. I would have cried my eyes out and no one needs that, especially Jayden. So I sat home and made him things he requested like Blue and Green jello, Chocolate chunk cookies, Cupcakes and even a surprise little cake.

I think it's time to realize it's okay to NOT be at their side every time something happens. I'm NOT their only parent. How will they be independent, or learn how to cope with things on their own? Surgery is a big deal, but Daddy was with him so it's not like he was left alone to be scared or anything.

This is more of a mom's crazy guilt, attachment issue I think. After all when we did FaceTime the first thing he said to me? " Mom I fell asleep on my own! " referring to the fact they had to put him to sleep for the surgery. It wasn't him screaming in pain, calling my name through a fit of tears. He was OK.

I'm just generally the one there for everything. An ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and a kiss when a booboo happens and is needed. I stick up for them and guide them when upset or in pain... But Daddy was there. So, I guess that's an issue within me I have to deal with - I just need to figure out how!

Babies don't stay babies for long, and they won't need their mommy forever. Time I start to face the music before I really learn my lesson right?

How do you deal with mom guilt? or any kind of guilt?

5 Tips for Helping a Preteen Get Things Accomplished

Recently it's been hard to keep Jordan on task. He wants to do all these things, go out with friends, play sports, go on the computer, text this person and text that person! It's a crazy life being an eleven year old apparently!

Jordan recently brought home a violin from music class. He said all the kids are learning different instruments. He was at first a little interested in the violin but that shortly changed and he hasn't brought it home since that first week. He's just happy he didn't get microkorg xl or something else like one of his friends got and is having some different issues. But, he says its really hard so I have told him when they allow him to bring it home again to bring it and we can try again! He gets frustrated and wants to quit, but we talked and he said he will try. He said he isn't a quitter, I just think he needed a little pep talk!

 He is struggling not wanting to do homework, he has a complaint every time we ask him to do one of his normal chores. So I sat down and figured out some ways I can help him focus, get the things he needs to get done accomplished and help in anyway I can.

ENCOURAGE

I find telling him how great he plays, how wonderful his sentences for homework are and what a great example he is for his younger siblings helps.

GIVE BREAKS

If he has three pages of homework to do and really doesn't want to do it in the first place - giving short breaks between pages gives him time to get a drink, a snack and just clear his head for a few minutes.

SIT DOWN AND HELP

I take time to sit with him, help when he needs it and really just be there in case he has a question or needs a little support. I don't do any of the work for him but I watch and help as needed.

LISTEN

Often times having them talk out a problem, explain a note or speak through an answer helps them figure things out on their own.

INCENTIVES

Yep. I'm not above them. He has a cellular phone that we pay for monthly so if he wants to keep it he needs to keep up with his chores, homework and behavior at school. So a quick reminder really gets that fire going.

Jordan is extremely smart. He's also a preteen boy and extremely dramatic and once in a while mouthy. These are just some tips I've learned along the way that help us out. Maybe they can help you out, or someone you know.

Preteens are super fun, the teenage years well ... I'll need a whole new set of tips to get through that now won't I?

Terrible Twos? They Lied.

 Terrible twos they said. They'd be awful, it's a terrible time they said. Well, They Lied. At least to me.

None of my kids, all 5 who have passed the age of two dealt with "terrible twos" none of them. 0/5.

What they don't tell you, and by they I mean everyone who has passed the age of two - is that age three? BEYOND WORDS what they said terrible twos would be. No, I'm not saying this happens with every child. Every child is different - and I'm sure it has a lot to do with personality, and who knows what else. It didn't happen with all mine so you may skip the phase completely.

Beyond words? Okay, that may be a little exaggeration but let me tell you - terrible threes are very real and sometimes aren't fun. Ava and now Jackson had the "terrible three" phase. Not 24/7 but had moments when I just really couldn't believe these children were mine. They had to have been switched out for lookalikes!

Thankfully, it doesn't last long and when it's all over and done with you can let a huge sigh of relief out BUT - during this wonderful time it can be trying.

Jackson just turned three in May. Terrible threes hit in September. Like I said not 24/7 but the majority of the day is spent redirecting, explaining why we don't do something, putting things back, having things thrown at us (like yesterday, wet leaves! Yes!!!) while he giggles with glee. Because wet leaves in your hair is pretty funny!

Just remember: It doesn't last forever. It is a phase, and I promise - it's not as bad as it seems.

I'm one of those moms who is a firm believer "NO!" Doesn't really work. So I try to redirect, show them what they can do/play with instead of what they can't. After all who really likes being told no? Especially being told no with no other options, right?

Some days we don't have to deal with any of the terrible three's, other days it can be very frustrating.

Jackson reminds me so much of Ava during this time. He's so sweet, small, curious, adventurous and just being a little kid. So I get it, I sympathize. This isn't my first rodeo. I am told I was the exact same way, as are most kids this age!

They lied about terrible twos, or they are mistaken. None of my kids had it. 0/5 but terrible threes? 2/5 went through the stage. So while you may have hit the two stage and thought "wow, this is a breeze!" - Just wait. Three's may be the time.

My advice to anyone who is about to hit the three stage, or who is going through it - BREATHE. It does get better, and doesn't last long. The light at the end of my tunnel? Ava. She went through the exact same as Jackson, and she's come out of it just fine. She still has a feisty attitude, which I should just attribute to her being my daughter but other than that - we all survived and lived to tell the tale. 

Breathe. Redirect & You too will see the light at the end of the tunnel. They are only so small for so long.. Enjoy it while you can! This too shall pass.

Did your kids ever have a terrible twos or threes phase? or if you aren't a parent, did anyone else you know go through it?

Easily Make An Adorable Homemade Pen Holder!

I was doing some work this morning when I got pretty frustrated with my small dollar store pen holder. It is small, pens got stuck and fell to the floor as I tried to grab one out so there was over 30 pens all over the place, babies grabbing, dogs trying to grab and run off... Ugh.

Kyla, my 8 year old said "I can make you a new one!" So I thought why not? I love homemade gifts from my kids, this would be adorable!

I gave her a canister we have a few of that are unused, my book of Erin Condren classic sticker sheets, a roll of Pink Glitter washi, my Xyron sticker maker, scissors and a marker.

She worked away at the kitchen table for a good 20 minutes while I kept watch as I nursed the baby a few feet away in the living room. She carefully cut, Ran a little piece of paper through the sticker maker to stick on to the front, and enjoyed picking out where to put everything. Her end result is super cute and really well done!

How cute is this??

You don't need tons of fancy tapes, paper, glues, glitter etc. She made ordinary glass into an adorable functional pen holder! It looks adorable on my desk too! I'm beyond impressed. When she was done there was zero mess, she just picked up the pieces she had cut, and the back of the washi pieces and to the garbage they went. Who doesn't love crafts with no mess?

She was beaming when she handed it to me. Impressed with what she accomplished but mostly proud and feeling happy that she did it all by herself. Something I was SO happy to see. She deals with a lot, has had a pretty tough go with school the last few years so to see her proud of something she did all on her own - makes me proud and extremely happy!

I love when my kids are crafty, and sit down and do something by themselves they can be proud of! I'm that mom who has a bin in my basement FULL of artwork for the last 11 years, so I have lots!

What are your favorite crafts your kids have made for you? If your kids are grown, do you remember a specific craft they did that you just loved? 

A Splash Of Color

A few weeks ago I had to make a run to Micheal's for a planner shop and my hubs tagged along! He found a box of tie dye on sale for $5.99 and wanted to grab it for him and the kids as a craft project!

The next day he went out and bought 6 white plain t-shirts and even found one of his for the kids to dye for me as a pajama shirt! He meant serious business with this tie dye.

After dinner one night he and the kids taped a garbage bag to the table, set out all the tie dye and began their fun.

The kids thought this was the BEST time ever. They were so excited to see how everyone's shirts would turn out. They showed him where to tie the elastics and put all colors on themselves.

He let them sit over night and the next morning one by one each went into the washer to rinse, then wash.. They all turned out pretty darn cute if you ask me!

Jackson didn't want to do his shirt until a few days later, I still haven't gotten a photo of him wearing it though. But SO cute!

They even made me a shirt AND pajama capri's. How colorful and cute are these?

Jordan also dyed a Muslin swaddle blanket for Justin, and it turned out AMAZING!

I was at Michael's again the other day and different boxes of tie dye were there for $9.99 so I grabbed one. It rang up at $2.99 so we grabbed 4 boxes, and will save for future fun! It wasn't as messy as we thought and the fun the kids had makes the retro colors so much more fun!

What are some fun crafts or projects you like to do yourself or with kids? I love hearing new ideas, and maybe we can try some!

Flashback Friday: The Runaway Dad

I've been awful this week. We had no internet for 2 days, yesterday I celebrated my daughters 8th Birthday and now here we are FINALLY posting!

I've decided to start every Friday doing a Flashback Friday series. Something from my past I want to share, I can on Friday's! 

This week I am posting about something I've wanted to discuss for a long while but hadn't found the time nor was I able to until now.

The Runaway Dad.

As some of you know I had Jordan my oldest who just turned 11 this past September when I was 18. I got pregnant at 17, and he arrived just over a month after I had turned 18.

What some of you may not know is, my husband isn't Jordan's biological father, but he is very much his father in every sense of the word.

Jordan's biological father decided when I was 8 months pregnant it was time for him to, well, run. After we planned and decided to have a baby (which looking back is ridiculous, and no I don't support or promote teen pregnancy), went to 6 weeks of prenatal class together, all doctors and ultrasounds, etc but it worked out the best and how it should have, I believe.

Not only did I have to grow up really fast, I had to do it on my own. It was hard emotionally more than anything. It took a long time for me to quit being so resentful towards my ex, because I was for so long. For good reason, but it's nice to be free of all that now.

Jordan and I lived together alone until he was 2.5 and then my husband moved in. He took Jordan into his life as how own and up until 2 years ago when we decided Jordan was old enough and mature enough to know he thought my husband was his Biological Dad. So we explained it to him and he was fine with the news. He had a few questions, some of which even I didn't know the answers to. 

About a year ago I got a message saying Jordan's bio dad wanted to talk to me. Great, I had raised Jordan for 10 years got through so much and now he wants something?

I tried for years to get him involved. When I was younger it was dramatic, there was probably lots of things said that now I would shake my head at BUT I couldn't imagine sticking around for 8 months of a pregnancy then all of a sudden one day just calling it quits. Walking away from an unborn child. I just couldn't and still can't fathom.

So I messaged him on facebook to see what he wanted and of course HE just had to see Jordan. Well, that wasn't about to happen. Not only because my child was TEN, had no clue who this person was, wasn't supported by a single dime from this person for the first ten years of his life but because Jordan didn't want to.

Jordan had been on my iPad when messages came through, and he saw what was being said. 

I told said runaway dad that I would speak to Jordan and my husband and see what we could do for him.

I felt it wasn't my place to say no absolutely not, after all it's what I did try to do for years and didn't think it had anything to do with me deciding BUT I also couldn't just not listen to Jordan and his feelings.

He didn't want to meet him. He did have some questions though. So, we set up an email for Jordan that only I had the password to so I would sit with him while they corresponded. They chatted via email for a few weeks before Runaway dad decided he had enough I guess and didn't write anymore.

Jordan was fine, he had questions, he somewhat had answered via these chats and he was fine. He didn't want anymore to do with him, and told me "mom I already have a great dad!"

That's when I knew not only was my kid special, but my husband and I raised him to be so smart, clever, genuine and helped shape him into this boy, mature beyond his years. He didn't need Runaway dad. That was fine with all of us.

I emailed him a few months later and let him know he wasn't to email Jordan anymore. It was uncool what he did, after coming into our lives SO many years later to just fall off the planet again. His response isn't even worth mentioning, but he seems to think I'm the bad guy, always and that he is entitled to something which I'm not so sure he is. We will see when Jordan's older he has our full support with whatever he chooses, and knows we will always be by his side!

I'll say though, Jordan shocks me all the time. This kid is a rock star, and I am so grateful he is my son. He's wise beyond his years, emotional like his mama and will make a beautiful family someday and an amazing dad and husband. 

Jordan told me not long after communicating with runaway dad that his one goal when he has a family is to never let them down or leave them, he wants to be the best dad -- and I know he will be, in 20 or 30 more years ;) haha.

Chime in: Do you think I handled this situation decently? Should I have even bothered allowing Runaway dad to e-mail Jordan or was I okay to allow Jordan to choose? Sometimes I second guess myself over this, and it is something I think about often.

Two Thousand Three - 11 Years!

Today I celebrate (and also cry a little) because my 1st born is 11 years old! My 8lb perfect little boy was born at 2:10pm. I was 17 when I got pregnant and freshly 18 when he was born - and pretty scared, while also all alone but excited for what was to come!

He was perfect. So sweet and breastfed right away. We bonded instantly, and from that moment on I knew what a joy he would bring to life. Everyone's life who met him.

I was a single mom and not really sure how things would play out, how I was going to deal with everything but in the moment you don't really think of that. It was all pure bliss to me.

Jordan and I lived with my brother for a few weeks before moving to another city with my other brother then I ended up back home in the city I knew as home a few months later and ended up going back to school, worked and ended up meeting my husband. 

What happened to Jordan's biological father you are probably wondering? That's a whole other blog topic I'll save for another day!

In spite of that mess - Being a teen mom sure isn't a walk in the park, and I wouldn't ever glorify or encourage it but I'm one of those rare cases that found being a teen mom not so difficult. I had zero support, but managed to pull through just fine, and Jordan? Is one of the best kids you'll ever meet. He has been tested and is labelled "gifted" in reading, language and if you have a real conversation with him you'd think you were speaking to an adult.

I believe being so young, having to grow up pretty fast and him and I being on our own until he was 2.5 really helped shape me into the mother I am today.

It's crazy how things work out, but I do believe everything happens for a reason. I'm really glad things happened how they did. I wouldn't have this amazing young man today if it didn't.

Today we celebrate his 11th year of life and my 11th year of being a mom to an amazing, smart, fun kid I couldn't imagine life without! 

Jordan, you entered this world 11 years ago today on a Sunday and you've been such a joy to all those who know you. Thank you for being so amazing and for teaching me what true unconditional love really is..... Now let's have cake!

5 Ways I'm Preparing My Kids For Back-To-School!

School hasn't started for us yet. It starts Sept 2nd ( we get out at the end of June and always go back in Sept ) None of my kids are excited to go back so it's been a bit of a struggle. While Jordan is bordering on being SUPER EXCITED and SUPER NERVOUS for starting grade 6, having a locker etc the others? Couldn't care less and want to stay home.

 So here are some of the tricks I've been trying these last 2 weeks before school starts up...

New hair cuts for school!

5. Shop for back to school - the only reason they get excited for back to school items is because I get them involved and let them basically pick everything out themselves!

4. Let them Choose hair styles and Cuts - I took them last week to get their hair done and let them Choose what they wanted. Jordan chose a small trim, Kyla wanted bangs, Jayden's was a wee bit short but suits him and Ava couldn't exactly get much done because her hair is soooo curly and crazy, but she got her bangs cut and a good trim!

3. Get them back on an earlier schedule with our back to school bedtime routine. During the school year if we have good bedtimes we bring back our Family Movie Nights on the weekends with treats of their choice. So we've started this again, this past weekend we had our first back to school movie night. Kids got to pick their treats & stay up later. We get to do these every weekend when we have smooth bedtimes during the week, which can sometimes be EXTREMELY hard especially after a summer of somewhat later, scattered bedtimes. (much different than our week night family movie nights, which they too love during the summer!)

2. Discuss all the fun, good things that happened the previous year - they've had a rough go with schools. Hoping with the coming of a new principal in September in this school they've been in since March will be the little change they need to make it better. Discussing it all and reminding them how we deal with issues appropriately seems to help re-assure them things will be just fine!

1. New year, new grades, new duds, new friends, how exciting? The last thing I'm doing is encouraging and trying to make going back to school as fun and stress free as possible. I remember how nervous I always was, and how much stress it put on me. So I'm trying as best I can, and as much as I can to alleviate that for them and make the most of this exciting, nerve wrecking and probably scary time!

Do you have any tips? If your kids are just starting school, veterans or long out of school what helped prepare your kids for the big day?

A Day At High Park

We haven't been able to do too much this summer like the past few... With my husbands work schedule we haven't been able to go on many day trips, and our usual trip to Niagara Falls for a week we couldn't do due to having so many pets now! So we are keeping busy and finding things to do around the city.

Yesterday we decided to pack up and head to High Park. We packed a huge picnic and off we went! We walked some trails and went to eat lunch. Then the kids got to play at the big park that has a huge castle they all absolutely loved. This was rebuilt a year or so ago due to a fire, and Mike Holmes from the tv show Holmes on Homes rebuilt it with his team. It was the first time we had seen it since the re-built and I was impressed.

After we went over to the small little zoo they have in the park. The kids loved it, and of course had me take some photos..

After the zoo we took the long walk through the park, stopped for an ice cream and the kids played for a little bit more before we headed home around 330pm. It was a full long day, and when we got home Jackson fell asleep on the couch, as did Justin and the other kiddos watched a movie. We decided to go to the park at the end of our street when everyone finally woke up because we had a late lunch, they all slept and we needed to keep them up a bit later so why not let them run whatever energy they had left off. 

It was a great day and night. A late night which was a bit out of our norm. Usually we stick to a pretty tight schedule, but it hasn't seemed to effect them today (thank goodness!) so it was great. They all even slept in until 9a this morning which is UNHEARD of. So, no complaints here! Next week is my Birthday so I'm excited to see what the husband has planned. I told him he could plan my whole day, and I just wanted to do something as a family even if it was a lazy day at home in the pool - I don't care, I just want us all together and hanging out for my last Birthday in my 20's!

Loved 90's Kids Toys

Being born in 1985 means I grew up in the 90's getting to enjoy all the wonderful toys that were once all the rage. My kids toys sure don't compare to what I grew up loving! After showing Jordan a bunch of kids toys I had as a kid, and him having NO idea what most were I  thought I would do up a post with some of these toys and see how many people remember them too! I got a kick out of finding all of these, what a trip down memory lane! 

Glo Worm

These are still available today, but this is how they looked back when I had a glo worm! I don't know why I had one - I never really used it, but it was always in my toy box!

P.J. Sparkles

All the girls loved little Miss PJ Sparkles. She was one of my all time faves. I had two of them and wish I would have kept them for my girls.

Tamagotchi

I loved this. I had 2 plus a Nano. These were so popular at one point, and totally amazing. Keeping these things alive was a huge chore though and I couldn't ever keep up with it. Totally fun and my kids would have loved it though.

Puppy, Kitty and Pony Surprise

I had Pony Surprise. Mine was pink and white and had 3 babies. I remember being SO upset that mine only had 3 babies when others I knew had 4-6 babies! But this was always one of my absolute favorites!

Kitty Kitty Kitten

I asked for this for Christmas one year. I finally got it, a calico exactly like the one pictured. Oh boy did I ever love my kitty kitty kitten. Her name was Patches like my grandparents calico and I took her everywhere with me, Lol.

Dear Diary Talkback

I had one of these and LOVED IT SO MUCH. Every girl I knew either had one or lusted after one. I remember feeling so cool having one, but I always kept forgetting my darn password! This is another I wish I kept for my girls!

POGS

Oh my gosh. These things were ALL the rage when I was in grade 5. I remember very vividly at recess the WHOLE school sitting on the ground, outside playing pogs against each other. I had the cool metal slammers... and boy was this so much fun. I loved my pogs, I had so many too!

Skip It

I think these are still available now... I'm not sure. But these were so much fun, I was a master at skip it - I don't think I actually owned one though I think I just used everyone elses!

Clackers/Slappers? 

I have NO idea what this is called but again, there was a time these were all the rage. They were frustrating yet SO MUCH FUN at the same time! Lol...

Trolls

I had Hundreds of these dolls. I have no idea what happened to them when my mom died and I moved out, I wish I would have kept them. I had so many.. Some with jewels on the belly, clothes, oh you name it I had it! These were amazing.

Pogo Ball

I'm not sure if that's the official name or not but these were amazing too. I had one of these, and I don't think I ever did very well with them! LOL

Popples

I had a purple one, but I never knew what it was called.. at least not now until I saw the photo and remembered my favorite purple one!

What was this called?

I have no idea what this is called, but I LOVED IT. My brother and I used to play this for hours on end lol.

Lite Brite

Had this and loved it for years. I was so excited a few Christmases ago to get my kids one but was so disappointed at how cheap, flimsy and NOT THE SAME as it once was!

Slap Bracelets

Used to go around slapping them on peoples arms. It was a ton of fun, and would always make a good laugh. I recently saw these at the dollar store and discouraged my kids from getting them HAHA.

Stick-On Earrings

You just weren't a fashion icon if you didn't have on some stick-on earrings! These were AWESOME.

Silly Puddy

My brother loved this stuff. I had a few of them and we would bug each other with them all the time. I recently saw it at Target and Jordan wanted it when I told him it was from back in the day... He got it, and wasn't too impressed with it. haha kids these days ;)

Source of most of these photos: Pinterest

There are SO many I could post. I have 4 pages written out of fun and awesome toys I remember and loved. I will post more at a later date because I absolutely love the memories that come along with them! So much fun.

Do you spot any you remember? If not, what were some toys YOU loved as a kid? Doesn't even have to be from the 90's I'd love to hear!